there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
