we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
high people should be assigned attendants
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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