and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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