I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
