sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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