I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
