the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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