CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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