So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize