I cut my penus on the lid.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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