you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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