im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
