i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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