Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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