My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
