How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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