Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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