I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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