Can i not drive my cunt home
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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