We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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