The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
