I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
