I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
