I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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