On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
