never play flip cup with pint glasses
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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