If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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