WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I didn't notice because vodka
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
