If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My life is pants optional.
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