I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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