Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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