Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
