you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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