Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
