We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
