last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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