I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize