Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
