You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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