he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
