I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
