So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
