I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
