I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize