dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
