he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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