Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize