I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
