Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize