On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
