Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
