The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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