I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
