So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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