I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
