if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
