her vagine was all disorganized.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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