so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
