First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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