well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He better not be in your backpack
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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