You work out of a Hotel?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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