You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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