Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
