I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
