Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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