Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
