you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
