Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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