I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
