Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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