Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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