I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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