Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
