4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
