just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
