oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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