how hairy? two words: wookie tits
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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