Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize