They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
