Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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