Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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