I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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