First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
