Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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