Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're facebook friends in real life
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
