I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize