All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
